Palpatine’s Order 1 through 66

By David Skale – the Skywalking Inquisitor, and Richard Woloski

With Star Wars: The Clone Wars wrapping up, I still had one question that has yet to be answered about Order 66: What were the other secret clone orders?

After a deep dive, I’ve found the answer! As it turns out, Palpatine had jotted them down on a cheat sheet so he wouldn’t forget. So here is your EXCLUSIVE look at Palpatine’s Orders 1-67 (Yes, there were 67 Orders!)

Order 1: We don’t talk about Order 1.
Order 2: We never talk about Fight Club.
Order 3: Never miss your targets.
Order 4: Don’t bump your head.
Order 5: Make sure these are the droids you are looking for.
Order 6: Move along.
Order 7: Wash Palpatine’s Ship.
Order 8: When shooting your blaster, don’t yell, “Pew Pew”.
Order 9: Keep an eye out for that Baby Yoda. In a few decades, he’s gonna be trouble.
Order 10: Don’t piss off Anakin.
Order 11: Make reservations for Palpatine for the “Rise of the Resistance” attraction at Disneyland.
Order 12: Don’t question why you never see Darth Sidious and Palpatine in the same room.
Order 13: Pull all investments from Alderaan-based businesses.
Order 14: Remove all safety rails from catwalks and bridges.
Order 15: Secure trademark for “501st”.
Order 16: Make sure Han shoots first.
Order 17: Make sure Greedo shoots first.
Order 18: Make sure Han and Greedo shoot at the same time.
Order 19: Why is everybody lip syncing to the same song on TiKTok.
Order 20: Cut Death Star budget by removing exhaust port cover.

Order 21: Remove one “Roger” from battle droid programming.
Order 22: Remove battle droids.
Order 23: Sell vinyl capes to the Jawas.
Order 24: Make sure Richard Woloski will never be the Rebel Spy.
Order 25: Tell Richard Woloski Palpatine was the Rebel Spy for the 3rd time.
Order 26: Find out Yoda’s species name (it had better not be “Baby Yoda”).
Order 27: Find the opening crawl letters that are floating in space and sell them on Ebay.
Order 28: Fix the air conditioner in Palpatine’s suite on Mustafar.
Order 29: Chaperone Luke and Leia to avoid any awkward incidents.
Order 30: Feed the Dianoga.
Order 31: Send Starbucks gift card to Jar Jar Binks for helping to extend my position as chancellor.
Order 32: Argue with fans on social media.
Order 33: Kill half the Jedi.
Order 34: Start planning for Death Star 3.
Order 35: Keep those meddling kids away from Anakin.
Order 36: Clean Palpatine’s office. Remove sliced appendages.
Order 37: Never make eye contact.
Order 38: Never call Palpatine “Sheev”.
Order 39: Find out who’s been spreading the rumor that Palpatine’s a clone.
Order 40: Post openings for Sith cultists.

Order 41: Mount Tantiss is not canon.
Order 42: Figure out life, the universe, and everything.
Order 43: Make sure Palpatine gets pilot position on Smuggler’s Run.
Order 44: Stay away from Anakin on Mother’s Day.
Order 45: Find out who offers the best bulk price on Death Stars – Costco or Sam’s Club.
Order 46: Listen to Skywalking Through Neverland
Order 47: Never land on Alderaan.
Order 48: For Match.com profile pic, which looks better, hood up or down?
Order 49: If I’m interested, do I swipe left or right.
Order 50: Give the Empire 5 Stars on Yelp.
Order 51: Figure out Palpatine’s lost username and password for his MySpace account.
Order 52: Make sure all calls from Mr. Mouse get through to Palpatine immediately.
Order 53: Stop putting “LOL” in all of your texts.
Order 54: Demand that grandchild keeps the name Palpatine.
Order 55: For the cutest kitten, puppy, and porg videos subscribe to Palpatine’s YouTube channel.
Order 56: Forward all robo-calls to Vader’s meditation chamber.
Order 57: Don’t forget flash mob in Vader’s meditation chamber this Friday.
Order 58: Ask Darth Vader what smells like leather wrapped in bacon.

Order 59: Follow Palpatine’s Instagram story.
Order 60: Stop telling Palpatine he looks like Ian McDiarmid and sounds like Ian Abercrombie.
Order 61: Fast-track Sith Apprentice game show.
Order 62: Post spoilers as soon as possible for maximum impact.
Order 63: Help the Empire pass 5 trillion on Twitter.
Order 64: Send pink slips to members of the senate.
Order 65: Play gloomy choir muzak in new Death Star.
Order 66: Kill all the Jedi.
Order 67: REVISE ORDER 66 – I meant to say, “BILL” the Jedi for reimbursement of the clone army. Stupid auto-correct. Please disregard 66.

Do you think we’ll see the fallout from these other orders in a spin off show or film? Maybe the list goes on, is this only a part of a much larger list? Judging by this list, Palpatine is a complex man with complex thoughts. Maybe the list even goes to 68!