by Richard Woloski (I LOVE Halloween!)
Artwork by Randy Martinez
Halloween is the path to trick-or-treating.
Trick or treating leads to infinite candy
infinite candy leads to…suffering!
As I ready myself for my favorite spooktacular holiday, I go over my costume choices for the night. Anakin Skywalker is always a favorite. Then again, my wife Sarah and I could get some more use out of our BB-8 costumes. Then comes this decision; do we go to a party at a friends’ house or do we go trick-or-treating? It has been pointed out time and time again that I am way to old to go trick-or-treating. But just because I’m in my early to late forties doesn’t mean I can’t have fun that harkens back to my early childhood. Besides free candy is free candy. The choice has been made.
With my plan intact, I start to wonder how this great holiday is celebrated in the Star Wars galaxy. Traditionally Halloween is dedicated to celebrating the dead by using humor and ridicule to confront the powers of death. This factoid makes my imagination run wild. If I could pick 6 planets to celebrate Halloween which ones would they be? And what costumes would the residents choose?
Endor – Ewoks at Bright Tree Village have been known to dress as ghosts and the great powerful beasts known as Hanadaks. I can also see the fierce Gorax, as seen in An Ewok Adventure, as another popular choice. What Ewok secretly doesn’t wish to be 30 meters in height and possess incredible strength? For the younger woklings, who could resist dressing up as their distant relatives – those silly Duloks from the Ewoks animated series. Just throw on a coat of green unkempt fur and bumble your way through the night and you are an instant Dulok! However, dressing as these swamp-dwellers assure you are going to get their favorite gray stew, glock, as a treat. Being a Gorax doesn’t seem so bad now.
Jakku – I can just imagine Unkar Plutt looking at at a line of trick-or-treaters outside his shop at Niima Outpost. Would he let go of his cheapskate nature and give out bits of his portions to a little boy in a happabore costume? Or a little girl dressed as a scavenger with her hair done up in three buns? What would he think if someone came dressed as another junk boss? What about the kids from the Church of the Jedi at the Tuanal village? I’m sure every kid would be the mythic Luke Skywalker as they ran around in tattered robes and a scraggly beard they somehow glued on their face. Of course, there would be that one kid whose dad knew of a Luke Skywalker on Tatooine, so he’s the one that shows up in the white shorty robe.
Death Star – I know, it’s not a planet, but I’m sure many of the millions who work on the dreaded battle station have children. Would Imperial parents let their children trick-or-treat as Lord Vader or the Emperor as a sign of flattery or respect? What would the trick-or-treat chant be?
Trick-or-treat, you are beat.
if you refuse, you will lose!
Give me something I can eat.
The dark side of the Force I will use!
Coruscant – Hallowe’en is a traditional holiday celebrated at the Jedi Temple. It might be against the Jedi Order’s good taste but I’m sure those who like to bend the rules (I’m looking at you Anakin!) would costume themselves as Sith. What better way to poke fun and ridicule your mortal enemy? All you need is a dark robe, a red synthetic crystal to pop into your lightsaber and a superiority complex and you are good to go. Just don’t let any Jedi Masters catch you, including Obi-Wan or he will be very grumpy.
Tatooine– I’m sure Tatooine teens would love nothing more than to mock the ravenous Sand People (just not to their face, or they wouldn’t have it for long). This would give them the freedom to unleash that inner-beast and plan a hostile take-over of a nearby farmer’s candy bowl. Younger kids would probably pick the large reptilian krayt dragon and howl at any trick-or-treater Tusken who dares go near their candy. I can even see those scavenging Jawas taking advantage of this holiday by pretending to be kids dressed up as Jawas and instead of taking candy, helping themselves to farmer’s droids and landspeeder parts. Tatooine isn’t the wealthiest planet so kids should bring something to hold blue milk or a couple drips of moisture.
Kashyyyk – The Wookiee planet has lots to offer. To show they don’t fear Trandoshans, some Wookiees may even costume as their scaly arch-rivals making fun of their quick tempers and guttural noises. Young Wookiees may be inspired by the cartoon video that Lumpy was watching in the Star Wars Holiday Special and go out as bounty hunter and “friend” Boba Fett (sans Wookiee scalps). Little girls might be inspired by the four-armed TV cooking host, Gormaanda. Instead of trick-or-treat chants, they would be singing, “stir, whip, stir who, whip whip stir.” Older females (I hope) who are looking for a more exotic persona may choose fantasy entertainer, Mermeia, as seen in Itchy’s hair-dryer holoprojector. “I exist for you. I am in your mind as you create me…” They won’t be leaving the party unescorted!
Would candy be given out or draft notices? If only those parents saw what Darth Vader did to children in the Jedi Temple. How would it go over if a trooper who still had his clone uniform wore it to the company party as a joke (insert record scratch)?
The possibilities in the Star Wars galaxy are endless!
How will you combine Star Wars with Halloween this year? Post your comments below and look forward to reading your answers!
Happy Hallowe’en everyone!
Star Wars Halloween artwork is courtesy of Randy Martinez. To see more of Randy’s Star Wars and other great work please visit randymartinez.net